(Director Lee Daniels and actor/comedian Mo'Nique for the film "Precious"; photo courtesy of The New York Times)
We have a theory.
If you're a black actor and you want to win an
Oscar, rather than just receive a nomination, it's relatively simple to do so. All you have to do is portray black life vis-à-vis the American imagination; that is to say,
coon it up.
We're going to outline what specific tropes you'll have to embrace in your performance if you want the Academy to bestow you with the gold trophy. All of this is, of course, contingent upon your competition. You will always come second to any white people nominated in your category unless your coonishness reaches immeasurable levels, or if the Academy is feeling particularly charitable in any given year. It's hard out here for a pimp.
(Denzel takes his whipping like a good slave in "Glory")
The Slave
This kind of role has special meaning for white folks (and when we say "white folks" we are talking about a system, not individuals) because it takes them back to a time when blacks knew their place, and you could call a nigger a nigger with nary a wayward glance. You'll most likely receive a nomination for this category, but if you really put your heart and soul into the role, you'll get that Big O award just like
Denzel Washington did for
"Glory." Although most times, the quality of the performance takes a backseat to the level of degradation achieved.
(Yes'm!; Hattie McDaniel in "Gone with the Wind")
The Mammy and the Uncle Tom
One surefire way to win one of those gorgeous golden statuettes is to play the role of the Negro Who Helps White People. It doesn't always have to be as blatant as
Hattie McDaniel's role in "Gone with the Wind." The level of subtlety and the demeanor of the help can vary. You can do all kinds of work, free-of-charge, for white nuns, like
Sidney Poitier in "Lillies of the Field." You could be a drill sergeant or coach that helps a white boy or white girl realize their potential, like
Louis Gosset Jr. in "An Officer and a Gentleman" or
Morgan Freeman in "Million Dollar Baby." Or you can be a funny and lovable psychic who helps white people in love, like
Whoopi Goldberg in "Ghost." The possibilities are endless! And white folks love it when we're the background
to their foreground, ignoring our own lives to make sure theirs are full and successful.
(Show me the money! Cuba Gooden Jr. eats his Oscar for "Jerry McGuire")
The Shuckin' and Jivin'
You know what else white folks love? When we entertain them with a moving song and dance, or when we're exceptional in the sports arena. Because, you know, that's all black people are good at. And that's what we're bred for. So if you play someone who can dance a real nice jig, sang like the Messiah is on His way, or can carry, dribble, or hit a ball like nobody's business, you will certainly get a nomination -- if you don't walk home with the grand prize itself. Ask
Jamie Foxx ("Ray"),
Jennifer Hudson ("Dreamgirls"), and
Cuba Gooden Jr. ("Jerry McGuire").
(Irredeemable; Forrest Whitaker as Idi Amin in "The Last King of Scotland")
The Monster
Now this one here's a biggie.
If you take on a role where you confirm all the nightmarish things white people think about us -- if you portray an immoral, drug-addicted, abusive, whorish, pimpish, corrupted or criminal low life -- you just might make history by taking Oscar home with you. You don't believe us? Fine. But abusive mother/KKK lover
Halle Berry ("Monster's Ball"), crooked cop Denzel Washington
("Training Day") and brutal dictator
Forest Whitaker ("The Last King of Scotland") know we're telling the truth.
This is precisely why there's so much hoopla about
Mo'Nique's performance as a physically and sexually abusive mother in "Precious," and very little about Gabourney Sidibe's performance as a young, dark-skinned black woman who triumphs over those abuses, or Lenny Kravitz's turn as a kind male nurse. White folks strive to validate the monstrous depictions (regardless of how fictional they might be) and use them as evidence for their absolution, and also as proof that we are, indeed, sub-human and deserve to be treated as such. We'll be stunned if Mo'Nique doesn't win.
(Denzel Washington as "Malcolm X"; Oprah Winfrey in "The Color Purple; Don Cheadle in "Hotel Rwanda")
If you're black and dead set on
not winning an Oscar, make sure you play someone intelligent, intellectual, decent, hopeful, upstanding, uplifting, strong, independent, responsible, defiant, militant, triumphant on universal terms, self-loving, self-reliant, free-thinking, with great leadership abilities. Only white people can win Oscars for those kinds of roles. When we play those roles (Denzel Washington,
"Malcolm X";
Don Cheadle, "Hotel Rwanda";
Oprah Winfrey, "The Color Purple";
Sophie Okonedo, "Hotel Rwanda";
Will Smith, "The Pursuit of Happyness"; or
Cicely Tyson, "Sounder"), we'll get nominated, but
we will not win. Why not? Because an Oscar is a confirmation (as well as a political tool), and the Academy believes it's too great a risk to confirm the humanity of black people. Once we're confirmed as human, acts committed against us will be considered inhumane. And America hasn't quite got
acting against us out of its
system yet.
But it damn sure doesn't want to be thought of as inhumane.